Hey Mel

A response to this (and this, and this, and this, and this, and…)

Hey Mel,
what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?
this is man land baby but it’s ok
I’ll take care of you.

Hey Mel,
no offence but I’d rather see an expert
doing interviews
side of field, y’know
someone who knows their stuff, like
a former player so Mel
I’m just being real when I say
you’re not an expert, I mean,
how much could a pretty girl like you know
about cricket when
you had no female cricketers to idolise as a kid, when
professional female players just got their first living wage?

don’t worry, baby
we got this
don’t worry your pretty head

Hey Mel,
that other pretty girl Maria didn’t
get shit for flirting with Lachlan
(lucky bastard)
so why are you crying foul, baby?
Lachlan’s a journalist, he just took it
and moved on
so, pretty girl, if you think you’re a journalist
why don’t you do the same?
Don’t go asking why Lachlan’s ability
to do his job wasn’t equated
to his face
and don’t go saying that
he would be journalist first, pretty second
no matter how many babes hit on him
because I thought you wanted equality?
So why are you asking these questions

Hey Mel,
what else did you expect, honey? I mean
you take a man’s job
at a man’s game
a pretty girl like you in amongst all that
and baby we all know men can’t distinguish
when you’re being pretty and professional
or just professional
or just pretty
baby, you’re always pretty
why would you want to be anything else?

and baby you got called pretty
on national television, I mean
what more could a pretty girl want?

Hey Mel,
Chris was just a bloke
asking out a pretty girl, and you
have to go and bring in all this history.
Baby, no one wants to date history.
No one wants to date the fact that
saying no might statistically get you killed
or the grimy truth of what you’ve seen and done
to get the job you love
the job you worked your pretty arse off for
baby, didn’t anyone tell you?
don’t bring up history this early

or else
even a pretty girl like you
might not get a date
and Mel
pretty girl
isn’t that what you’re here for?


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